Friday, June 26, 2009
iPhone or iTouch?
I was thinking if I should get an iPhone. Look at IT. But I think I am just going to have to go with the iTouch. I already have a blackberry. And there is no need for me to have 2 cells. I mean I am no drug dealer.
Happy Thoughts...
As I mentioned before, I have some more updates on, let's call him, "The Marine".
Yea so...yesterday, The Marine and I planned to meet up after work. He came all the way to my job. We sat and talked between 7th and 8th Ave. It was awesome. I haven't seen him since that Friday night that I met him. Conversation was smooth sailing as always...in person, on the phone or via texts. I love it. After that we took the train together and he went about his business and so did I. I can't believe he is so beautiful inside and out.
When will I see The Marine again?....
Yea so...yesterday, The Marine and I planned to meet up after work. He came all the way to my job. We sat and talked between 7th and 8th Ave. It was awesome. I haven't seen him since that Friday night that I met him. Conversation was smooth sailing as always...in person, on the phone or via texts. I love it. After that we took the train together and he went about his business and so did I. I can't believe he is so beautiful inside and out.
When will I see The Marine again?....
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
OMG!
I am speechless! There is a reason why I am speechless. Here goes nothing...
I was standing on F train minding my own business (putting my thoughts together for my next post), this man woke up out of nowhere and he started writing on the back of the paper that he had in his hand. This is what he put on it!!!
"Smile, I am CPA/Lawyer. My name is Robert. What is your name?"
And he handed me the paper. I was like WTF. So he took it back and wrote something again. So I had to think quick. (yes it's hard at times) I got off the next stop before he handed me that stupid ass paper again! (PISSED OFF!)
How could someone ran me off from my transit route? (I got off with the quickness). Is it me or am I just prone for weirdos?
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I was standing on F train minding my own business (putting my thoughts together for my next post), this man woke up out of nowhere and he started writing on the back of the paper that he had in his hand. This is what he put on it!!!
"Smile, I am CPA/Lawyer. My name is Robert. What is your name?"
And he handed me the paper. I was like WTF. So he took it back and wrote something again. So I had to think quick. (yes it's hard at times) I got off the next stop before he handed me that stupid ass paper again! (PISSED OFF!)
How could someone ran me off from my transit route? (I got off with the quickness). Is it me or am I just prone for weirdos?
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Monday, June 22, 2009
Weekend Recollection...
Friday Evening...
I got off work and off I went on the train. I saw this beautiful man on the train. What an eye candy!!! (yes, I did the rude thing, I STARED!!!) We got off at the same stop to transfer. (Damn, he looked good!) Anyways...I saw him looking at me also. The boy is too damn cute for his own good. He started signaling me to take my headphones off and I did. (Oh boy!) So we were talking on the train. And we got off at Citifield to talk some more. (45 mintues!!!) We exchanged numbers. After the meditation center, he got in touch with me and we went out for a bite. It was great overall. That went well!
Saturday...
I got home late from Friday night late, I didn't get up early. I slept all day and then took a shower and off I went to Flushing to the Meditation center by public transportation.
Sunday...
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!!! And I wished all the first time daddies and daddy to-bes. They all deserved it. They work hard for all of us. My dad is in retreat at the meditation center so I planned to celebrate with him later in the week.
...anyhow...
as usual, my mom and I took the bus after we did grocery shopping to head to Meditation center. I was occupied on my BB and my mom left me on the bus to transfer to another bus. (thanks mom!; it was funny but it wouldn't be really funny if I was really left back on the bus.) When I got on the another bus, the bus driver was hitting on me in front of my mom. *BLANK STARE* He was trying to ask for my number. He was cute. But then he followed me off the bus to get my number. (thank Buddha, my mom went the other way.) He took out his cell and he has a wedding ring on. *BLANK STARE* (again!) Here is how the conversation went:
Bus Driver: Can I have your number?
Me: Is that a wedding ring?
Bus Driver: Yes!
Me: I am sorry I can't give you my number, you are married!!!
I mean Dude, do I even have to ask that if that was a wedding ring? You should know better. *SMHH* I was thinking if I was dressed all slutty and I would understand why I got hit on because I just might have been asking for it. I looked like crap but I wasn't stinking or anything. I took a shower but I had on a large size T-Shirt (men's Large), jeans and Timberlands (it was raining). I wasn't even looking cute at all. So now, I realized it's not me. It's just BOYS. Boys are DOGS by nature.
Now I am starting to wonder if I had a sign on my forehead saying "Married Men Welcome" or "If you are married, please feel free to hit on me".
I hope everyone had a great weekend because I had a WTF weekend but it was all good.
I got off work and off I went on the train. I saw this beautiful man on the train. What an eye candy!!! (yes, I did the rude thing, I STARED!!!) We got off at the same stop to transfer. (Damn, he looked good!) Anyways...I saw him looking at me also. The boy is too damn cute for his own good. He started signaling me to take my headphones off and I did. (Oh boy!) So we were talking on the train. And we got off at Citifield to talk some more. (45 mintues!!!) We exchanged numbers. After the meditation center, he got in touch with me and we went out for a bite. It was great overall. That went well!
Saturday...
I got home late from Friday night late, I didn't get up early. I slept all day and then took a shower and off I went to Flushing to the Meditation center by public transportation.
Sunday...
Happy Father's Day, Daddy!!! And I wished all the first time daddies and daddy to-bes. They all deserved it. They work hard for all of us. My dad is in retreat at the meditation center so I planned to celebrate with him later in the week.
...anyhow...
as usual, my mom and I took the bus after we did grocery shopping to head to Meditation center. I was occupied on my BB and my mom left me on the bus to transfer to another bus. (thanks mom!; it was funny but it wouldn't be really funny if I was really left back on the bus.) When I got on the another bus, the bus driver was hitting on me in front of my mom. *BLANK STARE* He was trying to ask for my number. He was cute. But then he followed me off the bus to get my number. (thank Buddha, my mom went the other way.) He took out his cell and he has a wedding ring on. *BLANK STARE* (again!) Here is how the conversation went:
Bus Driver: Can I have your number?
Me: Is that a wedding ring?
Bus Driver: Yes!
Me: I am sorry I can't give you my number, you are married!!!
I mean Dude, do I even have to ask that if that was a wedding ring? You should know better. *SMHH* I was thinking if I was dressed all slutty and I would understand why I got hit on because I just might have been asking for it. I looked like crap but I wasn't stinking or anything. I took a shower but I had on a large size T-Shirt (men's Large), jeans and Timberlands (it was raining). I wasn't even looking cute at all. So now, I realized it's not me. It's just BOYS. Boys are DOGS by nature.
Now I am starting to wonder if I had a sign on my forehead saying "Married Men Welcome" or "If you are married, please feel free to hit on me".
I hope everyone had a great weekend because I had a WTF weekend but it was all good.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Random Thoughts...
I found myself thinking ~
~ how much I miss tracing your face with my fingers (yes, you are still a big deal in my memories and I just might hate myself for it)
~ I don't have to worry about how I would have to look as long as I look fabulous. (feel so good not to have a crush on anyone)
~ I get so annoyed at overly sensitive people (grow thicker skin people!!!)
~ how I am detaching myself from everyone.
~ how I am enjoying myself with what I'm doing right now with the Monastery.
~ how I am not even attracted to anyone right now.
~ I want to take continuing education classes.
...anyhow...
...I am glad the weekend starts after 4:30 PM and I cannot wait for a minute. I have nothing planned for the weekend except my cousin and I might go to the movies and the Monastery (of course!). I need to get father's day card for daddy (last minute, I know). I might have to owe him a gift because I am as broke if not more than the next business person. (shame on me!) But I am definitely looking forward to the weekend so that I can get some sleep that I lost during the week.
~ how much I miss tracing your face with my fingers (yes, you are still a big deal in my memories and I just might hate myself for it)
~ I don't have to worry about how I would have to look as long as I look fabulous. (feel so good not to have a crush on anyone)
~ I get so annoyed at overly sensitive people (grow thicker skin people!!!)
~ how I am detaching myself from everyone.
~ how I am enjoying myself with what I'm doing right now with the Monastery.
~ how I am not even attracted to anyone right now.
~ I want to take continuing education classes.
...anyhow...
...I am glad the weekend starts after 4:30 PM and I cannot wait for a minute. I have nothing planned for the weekend except my cousin and I might go to the movies and the Monastery (of course!). I need to get father's day card for daddy (last minute, I know). I might have to owe him a gift because I am as broke if not more than the next business person. (shame on me!) But I am definitely looking forward to the weekend so that I can get some sleep that I lost during the week.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Am I Wrong?
A week ago, I was asked if I wanted a ride after work. I said sure. (yes I have unlimited metro card but I still wanted a ride.) Surely enough I got my ride and then the person who gave me a ride asked me for two dollars and said he will give it back to me. I did say its alright. But I do want my 2 dollars back. I felt like I paid for my transportation when I already paid for monthly except I got a ride from an upgraded vehicle. (whoopee!)
...anyways...
here is the truth...
2 dollars is nothing. If it was from anyone else, I wouldn't want it back. He is the kind of person who walks around with bunch of Benjamin in money clip and literally flashed in front of people. (BTW I am not hating.) So yes dammit, I want my money back. Am I wrong to want my money back?
...anyways...
here is the truth...
2 dollars is nothing. If it was from anyone else, I wouldn't want it back. He is the kind of person who walks around with bunch of Benjamin in money clip and literally flashed in front of people. (BTW I am not hating.) So yes dammit, I want my money back. Am I wrong to want my money back?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Just Another Manic Monday...
I woke up early to go to the Monastery to meditate. After that I went straight to my car and took at least an hour of nap. Then got back inside for my burmese breakfast. (YUM!) The rain has been crazy in New York. I haven't felt summer in New York.
...anyhow...
I did the half human half robot thing at work. I did function but very slow and steady. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning. I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Phone Phone will be travelling to Washington DC for the next two days. After work, I stopped by at the shish kabob stand and had my fix. (also paid what I owed, felt much better.) While I was eating, it started to pour. (mom called right on time right after I finished eating, nice timing mom!) I headed to the bus stop to meet her and we came back to the Monastery.
...anyways...
Let's hope for no mishaps like last night! (I did take major precautions.)
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...anyhow...
I did the half human half robot thing at work. I did function but very slow and steady. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning. I don't have to get up early tomorrow. Phone Phone will be travelling to Washington DC for the next two days. After work, I stopped by at the shish kabob stand and had my fix. (also paid what I owed, felt much better.) While I was eating, it started to pour. (mom called right on time right after I finished eating, nice timing mom!) I headed to the bus stop to meet her and we came back to the Monastery.
...anyways...
Let's hope for no mishaps like last night! (I did take major precautions.)
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Friday Evening 'Til Sunday...
...Friday evening...
Since I lost 5 hours of sleep for two mornings put together for Thursday and Friday, I was so happy the week was over. So of course I did the usual thing and headed to the shish kabob vendor before mom meeting me in Flushing to go to the Monastery. (she didn't know how to take the bus to get there.) So I ate and owed him 5 dollars because I only had a 20. He didn't have change so he said next time. (I hate owing people.) I told him I would wait and he said not to worry and to pay him next time. I know I can pay him next time but I didn't want to do that. So now I am the girl who owes the shish kabob guy money.
...Saturday...
woke up at 11 (so tired), to pick up a friend of the family from 179th to go to the airport to pick up cousins who came back from their honeymoon. (starving!) After I picked them up, I hurried back home with a quickness. (Mom said she had food but not too sure what it was.) I got home with cousins and a friend. We ate and I was half asleep on the living room couch. As the jet lagged couple took a nap, I was right along with them. (hell yeah, I was tired.) I woke up on time to go to the Monastery. (Dad never came back so of course mom & I went with my car, still didn't understand why we needed to go with two separate cars.) After we are done with "Ta-Ya-Pwear", we went home (in separate cars) to get my cousins and headed to the restaurant for dinner. After we had dinner, we went home and all the cousins bonded over the movies and the pictures they took in China.
...Sunday...
I still had to wake up early because my cousins were heading back to VA. We all had breakfast and they left. (soon enough...) I went back to sleep. Before I went to sleep, I was told to get up on time for the Monastery by my dad. (I know this) Hours after, I got up, took a shower and then head to the Monastery (AGAIN! Yes with my own will!) After the "Ta-Ya-Pwear" my timberland flip flops were gone. (we had to take off shoes before entering.) I looked for them all over the place. They were nowhere to be found and at that time, I was already pissed and to top it off, I was hungry. All I kept mumbling was "how can someone leave with other people's shoes?" Then I went to the basement and only to find this lady wearing my flip flops. Here is the conversation between her & I:
Me: You are wearing my flip flops.
The Lady: I thought they were mine.
Me: *BLANK STARE MIXED WITH A WTF LOOK* (which I am not supposed to have that look according to the monk)
...anyways...
to continue the story, I had my flip flops outside of the Monastery and she had hers inside. And for her to even say they were alike, mines were TIMBERLAND and hers looked like crapped. I couldn't even tell who made them. (but that wasn't the case) And lady, wouldn't you know when you are wearing other people's shoes? They apparently weren't yours. Not only did she stretch out my flip flops, she lied to me also. How could she have thought they were hers when the flip flops were taken off in different places? (I might be younger than her but I wasn't born yesterday.) And she did not even apologize.
What a weekend!!! I didn't get my rest but it was all good. I did what I enjoyed.
Hope everyone had a great weekend like me.
Since I lost 5 hours of sleep for two mornings put together for Thursday and Friday, I was so happy the week was over. So of course I did the usual thing and headed to the shish kabob vendor before mom meeting me in Flushing to go to the Monastery. (she didn't know how to take the bus to get there.) So I ate and owed him 5 dollars because I only had a 20. He didn't have change so he said next time. (I hate owing people.) I told him I would wait and he said not to worry and to pay him next time. I know I can pay him next time but I didn't want to do that. So now I am the girl who owes the shish kabob guy money.
...Saturday...
woke up at 11 (so tired), to pick up a friend of the family from 179th to go to the airport to pick up cousins who came back from their honeymoon. (starving!) After I picked them up, I hurried back home with a quickness. (Mom said she had food but not too sure what it was.) I got home with cousins and a friend. We ate and I was half asleep on the living room couch. As the jet lagged couple took a nap, I was right along with them. (hell yeah, I was tired.) I woke up on time to go to the Monastery. (Dad never came back so of course mom & I went with my car, still didn't understand why we needed to go with two separate cars.) After we are done with "Ta-Ya-Pwear", we went home (in separate cars) to get my cousins and headed to the restaurant for dinner. After we had dinner, we went home and all the cousins bonded over the movies and the pictures they took in China.
...Sunday...
I still had to wake up early because my cousins were heading back to VA. We all had breakfast and they left. (soon enough...) I went back to sleep. Before I went to sleep, I was told to get up on time for the Monastery by my dad. (I know this) Hours after, I got up, took a shower and then head to the Monastery (AGAIN! Yes with my own will!) After the "Ta-Ya-Pwear" my timberland flip flops were gone. (we had to take off shoes before entering.) I looked for them all over the place. They were nowhere to be found and at that time, I was already pissed and to top it off, I was hungry. All I kept mumbling was "how can someone leave with other people's shoes?" Then I went to the basement and only to find this lady wearing my flip flops. Here is the conversation between her & I:
Me: You are wearing my flip flops.
The Lady: I thought they were mine.
Me: *BLANK STARE MIXED WITH A WTF LOOK* (which I am not supposed to have that look according to the monk)
...anyways...
to continue the story, I had my flip flops outside of the Monastery and she had hers inside. And for her to even say they were alike, mines were TIMBERLAND and hers looked like crapped. I couldn't even tell who made them. (but that wasn't the case) And lady, wouldn't you know when you are wearing other people's shoes? They apparently weren't yours. Not only did she stretch out my flip flops, she lied to me also. How could she have thought they were hers when the flip flops were taken off in different places? (I might be younger than her but I wasn't born yesterday.) And she did not even apologize.
What a weekend!!! I didn't get my rest but it was all good. I did what I enjoyed.
Hope everyone had a great weekend like me.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I'm Annoyed!
Besides getting up at 3:30 AM for the past two days, I'm so annoyed at this lady at work. She shouldn't even be titled as a lady. Okay, let me start from the beginning...
I would like to think that I work with professionals but not where I'm at on daily basis. This lady walks around burping out loud and apologizing after the burps. (Do you see any professionalism in that?) And she wants attention out of that. (What are you like 5?) She looks at me every time she does it and she wants my comment (are you effing serious?) I pay no mind to that.
...anyways...
what I'm doing is making me supposed to feel peaceful and this whole outside world is pissing me off. But I guess I have to deal with the outside would and not get all pissed off.
...but then again...
it's better to be pissed off then pissed on. LOL!
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I would like to think that I work with professionals but not where I'm at on daily basis. This lady walks around burping out loud and apologizing after the burps. (Do you see any professionalism in that?) And she wants attention out of that. (What are you like 5?) She looks at me every time she does it and she wants my comment (are you effing serious?) I pay no mind to that.
...anyways...
what I'm doing is making me supposed to feel peaceful and this whole outside world is pissing me off. But I guess I have to deal with the outside would and not get all pissed off.
...but then again...
it's better to be pissed off then pissed on. LOL!
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Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Most Satisfied Purchase...
My secret hobby ~ I love reading people's blogs. They are awesome. And what I realized while I was reading was I need to broaden my vocabulary and make sure my blog is up to par. I want my blog to look fabulous like me (I know I'm fabulous). So I bought an electronic dictionary and thesaurus from Office Depot and I'm loving it. This is not a waste but an investment for myself. Hooray for me!
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I Am Exhausted!
I have been working and then going to "Tar Yar" events. I haven't had a "ME" time for awhile. I have things lined up until the end of this month. I am not complaining because that's things I love to do but I am exhausted. I am allowed to be tired. Then once in awhile I have thoughts that creep in and making me want to think about unthinkable. NOT GOOD AT ALL!!! Those are what I call, RELAPSE! Then I remind myself to stay away from evil thoughts. I mean they are not as evil as anyone would be thinking but to me they sure are. I am supposed to go forward not backward. Although, my dad has told me that I am like crabs...I go sideways. LOL. Whatever that means.
Yesterday, I realized something about boys...they don't like it when they are asked by their girlfriends and wives on what they are doing later with their time but when girls who are their friends ask, they are perfectly okay with it. Weird but whatever.
Yesterday, I realized something about boys...they don't like it when they are asked by their girlfriends and wives on what they are doing later with their time but when girls who are their friends ask, they are perfectly okay with it. Weird but whatever.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Est. June 8, 2009!
Every second, every minute, every hour, and every day counts, apparently! Over the weekend, I did some thinking and finally my dumbass has seen some lights. I didn't do anything wrong and didn't deserve how I was treated. But I guess every dog has their own days. As far as I know, I am good. I will be better and stronger as days go by. I am proud of myself for handling things well. Kudos for me!!!
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I'm in the NJ State of Mind...What a Weekend!
It's Sunday and I got up so early. It's the weekend for my sake. WTH! I have things to do. I didn't even start my laundry yet. I went to the "Yate Thar" and listened to "Tar Yar". I run to the bank and headed to NJ to visit my friends. I had a great time. I got lost as usual when I go to them. I didn't fail at that this time either. LOL! I got home and did 3 loads of laundry. I am tired as hell. I wish I can have some margaritas to relax. Hell I deserve from the way my weekend has started.
Hope everyone had a great weekend!
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Hope everyone had a great weekend!
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Saturday, June 6, 2009
I'm Inspired!
So I cried my eyes out yesterday and I realized I need to stop that. I shouldn't cry over you. You are a very cold hearted person. You were lucky to have me as I was also but you could have handled it well. But now, I am at a point that you've done pissed me off. A friend of mine told me some inspiration words and I was like yea she is so right. So I was inspired and I can finally let go. I could have done what you did, but I am more grown for that. I am not going to be a child.
I have to be stronger and do what I have to do. I will face these problems as life goes on. As long as I recognize and I do accordingly, I feel that I will be fine.
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I have to be stronger and do what I have to do. I will face these problems as life goes on. As long as I recognize and I do accordingly, I feel that I will be fine.
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Friday, June 5, 2009
It's Official!
Today when I woke up, you were there on the list. Then I got off work and I accidentally saw the number on my list and you were gone. I was in shock. I expected you to delete me earlier but you didn't. Now you did and I feel like you left me all over again. I cried so hard. I am having a tough time with this. All I can do is pray and ask for strength for me to deal with it.
How could you be so heartless?...
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How could you be so heartless?...
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Thursday, June 4, 2009
I Feel Sad...
Sometimes I just sit and think endlessly and I have this sense of sadness and I start to feel the pain. Right now, I am sitting on the back of the bus and I feel as if I have lost so much in my life. There is something definitely missing in my life. I can't seem to concentrate and am not happy. When I see people who are so happy, I envy them. I don't want to have what they have but I want to know when my happiness will come and stay with me. My day will come...hopefully...
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
At Last...
Finally... the blog is done. So beautiful. I love it. Thanks for all the help I got...I owe my BFF.
A Little More Time...
Good things come in time. Yes...so is my blog. Only a little more glitches to fix and this will be ready to go. I can't wait to be
Speaking of good things come in time, I am doing some good stuff at home. I am hoping things will pay off at the end. My thoughts are all over the place again so best not to say anything until I can focus. *wink*
Speaking of good things come in time, I am doing some good stuff at home. I am hoping things will pay off at the end. My thoughts are all over the place again so best not to say anything until I can focus. *wink*
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Good Deeds Day...
I got up so early and went to NJ with my parents for the new temple. I thought of you. You told me you wanted to go with me. I saw lots of food that you would want to eat. I was so about to call you but I told myself not to. You probably don't want to hear from me. I donated money to the monks. I feel peaceful. And I can still feel you in my heart.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Feel So Good...
I fixed my blog site. I am so happy I did it on my own. I think I still need to fix one little thing but my brain is fried. I don't have an IT degree and I got myself this far so hell yea I'm proud of myself. Also feel geeky but proud! = )
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I Matter...
Sometimes, I sit there and think about one person in the world who doesn't give a shit about me. And I get carried away with it and I start to feel sad. That's when I should stop and say to myself, I matter also and why should I be thinking about someone who doesn't give any crap about me. It's a daily battle for me and so far I am losing. I would just like to go a day without thinking about you if I could. But seems impossible. So I say to myself, one day I will be able to not think about you. I have got to start somewhere and take one day at a time. I have to love myself or who else will.
I hope everyone is having a great day. It's after all a Thursday, a day away from the weekend. Although, the weather is crappy.
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I hope everyone is having a great day. It's after all a Thursday, a day away from the weekend. Although, the weather is crappy.
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Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wedding Weekend...
My cousin got married to the man of her dream on May 24, 2009. I was the maid of honor at the wedding. It was very busy and exhausting but I had a blast. We all enjoyed at. I was all out of funk because all I can think about was you. I miss you so much. I am starting to get pissed off at myself because this is getting prolonging. I mean I don't think you are missing me. I am having a hard time.
I am so exhausted inside and out. I just want to crawl in my bed and not face anyone.
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I am so exhausted inside and out. I just want to crawl in my bed and not face anyone.
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Monday, May 25, 2009
Missing You...
I miss you so much it hurts. I don't cry anymore because I'm all cried out but it feels empty. *sad*
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Friday, May 22, 2009
I Did What!!!...
I reinvented myself today. I created a new link for this blog. I mean you knew my old one and I don't know if you read it but why tempt you. So I did you a favor and I found me a new name for my blog. Yay me!!!
I feel better today because I am focusing on the wedding. I haven't written a speech yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for. It sucks to be me right now. But as always I believe in myself. I can do this with eyes closed. Lol!
I am on the road on the way to VA. Dad is driving and it's a beautiful thing. I will be knocked out pretty soon. :).
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I feel better today because I am focusing on the wedding. I haven't written a speech yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for. It sucks to be me right now. But as always I believe in myself. I can do this with eyes closed. Lol!
I am on the road on the way to VA. Dad is driving and it's a beautiful thing. I will be knocked out pretty soon. :).
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Filed Under:
cousin's wedding,
new link,
random thoughts,
weekend
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Day In & Day Out...
There is not a moment that you haven't crossed my mind. Every fcking thing reminds me of you. That shit is starting to piss me off. I can't shake you out of my system. I don't want to but I have to. You have moved on and I should do the same. Especially today you stand tall and still in my mind.
So here is the funny moment... The ex that I want to contact me doesn't but the ex that I'd rather be away from sent me an email nonchalantly. Was I supposed to be replying to that? HELL NO! Now I'm thinking if you felt that way when I was on your shit for a minute. But I doubt that! So that was why I thought I had a chance when all the cards were already dealt with from your side. All the signs are there so now it's up to me to accept the truth. Truth hurts but I am dealing it in the best way I can. Sometimes the devil side of me wants to flip off THE TRUTH!
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So here is the funny moment... The ex that I want to contact me doesn't but the ex that I'd rather be away from sent me an email nonchalantly. Was I supposed to be replying to that? HELL NO! Now I'm thinking if you felt that way when I was on your shit for a minute. But I doubt that! So that was why I thought I had a chance when all the cards were already dealt with from your side. All the signs are there so now it's up to me to accept the truth. Truth hurts but I am dealing it in the best way I can. Sometimes the devil side of me wants to flip off THE TRUTH!
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7:30 AM ...
Has anyone made plans ahead of times and the day came and the plan's haunting? YES! I had things to do today after work and tomorrow for that matter. But it will not happen and I am destroyed by it. I would like to be there where I'm supposed to be. We would have tons of fun. Now I completely understand why I don't make plans because they slap you in the face when they don't happen. Course of life changes everyday and I just have to work with it. Just like life in general, I am still work in progress. I can't wait to see the finishing product.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Happy Birthday...
Today is your birthday. I want to wish you but you are stopping me from it. I know you ignored me 'til the end so I don't want to make you upset that I wished you. But there is no stopping me from expressing it on my blog. :)
Happy Birthday "YOU" !!! I wish you happiness, full of joy on your day and many more. May all your wishes come true.
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Happy Birthday "YOU" !!! I wish you happiness, full of joy on your day and many more. May all your wishes come true.
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Anxiety of Separation...
That's what I'm feeling right now. I can't get over it! I don't even know how a person deal with that. I wish I have a switch like them.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Time Does Not Heal...
When people say, time heals everything...it's pure BS. I am sure it does but not all the way. You can only heal from it if there was not much pain involved from the start. The pain and hurt will be there. And I got scars to show from them.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
I Lay Awake...
At nights, I can't go to sleep. Once I close my eyes, I wake up exactly in 15 minutes looking for you because I feel the emptiness in my chest. Is that even normal? I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone. There is that strong attachment taking over me. I still do what I have to do on daily routines and maintain the "me" part but my thoughts are always with you. I want to be numb.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Monday, May 18, 2009
What a Wonderful World...
I was on E train standing by the door and I felt a stare. I looked to my left and this lady was just holding onto the pole like a pole dancer and staring at me. Dude, take a picture! I LAST LONGER! WTF!!! No freakin manners. Didn't her parents teach her not to stare?!
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Sunday, May 17, 2009
4PM...
I go back and forth with what I should do with my situation. Well...for one, I told myself to feel whatever I want to feel. I let myself be free from all the restriction. I even let myself IM you when if need be done for the moment. I am head-over-heels in love. And the part that gets me the most is that I can admit out loud. I don't care who knows it. It is self less type of love because you told me you won't love me ever and I still love you. I care for you and I want to be there for you but seems as though you are not letting me. But it's ok. I have to let the course flow and go along the path.
Right at this moment, I am at a cross road where if I should let myself be free and let you go as you requested or I should not give up because I want to make sure I did everything in my power to work with it!
One day at a time!!!
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Right at this moment, I am at a cross road where if I should let myself be free and let you go as you requested or I should not give up because I want to make sure I did everything in my power to work with it!
One day at a time!!!
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Saturday, May 16, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Randomly thinking...
I need one of your hugs. They make it easier when the life gets hard. So I keep you with me in my heart.
WTF!
I didn't understand the whole concept of this outfit. But I guess that's none of my business, right!!!
Yes, thanks for the smile! =)
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Thursday, May 14, 2009
There is a saying...
"You can't beat 'em, Join 'em!"
I have a funny story. Well not really funny because those are my feelings but what else can I do but LAUGH! Me and my luck, I say!
So I have been feeling crappy for almost a week. And I sit there day after day to analyze myself WTH was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong. I am in love!!! I don't think, nor guess, I AM!!!
The funny part is that I am not even with the person that I am in love with. He decided he doesn't want to be with me. Well this is how I came to realize that I'm in love. For all these times I was with him, I was falling for him. There are things that I was willing to do because I want to be with this man. He didn't ask from me. I wanted to. I still want to. But that's not all of it. But you can't clap with one hand, right! So like I mentioned in my previous entries, I keep replaying moments we had, emails and things that we talked about. And no I am not living in the past. I am trying to understand why I can't let this go. And the audience, this is the reason why. I AM IN LOVE! I will never tell him this because he told me it's best if we ended. So I gave him what he wanted. So why tell the man I'm in love with him, so he can laugh at me? So I keep this to myself and make peace with it. It could have been a beautiful thing. I guess if it was meant to be he will be back or not, but I have to set him free. So I did.
People make mistakes, it depends on if you want to work things out and see what the outcome will be. But he didn't even leave anything open for us to continue. He wants nothing to do with me and I still have love for him. So I say this to myself, GOOD LUCK, YOU NEED IT!!!
Love is one of a kind and for now...love is a bitch and I live with it!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
I have a funny story. Well not really funny because those are my feelings but what else can I do but LAUGH! Me and my luck, I say!
So I have been feeling crappy for almost a week. And I sit there day after day to analyze myself WTH was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong. I am in love!!! I don't think, nor guess, I AM!!!
The funny part is that I am not even with the person that I am in love with. He decided he doesn't want to be with me. Well this is how I came to realize that I'm in love. For all these times I was with him, I was falling for him. There are things that I was willing to do because I want to be with this man. He didn't ask from me. I wanted to. I still want to. But that's not all of it. But you can't clap with one hand, right! So like I mentioned in my previous entries, I keep replaying moments we had, emails and things that we talked about. And no I am not living in the past. I am trying to understand why I can't let this go. And the audience, this is the reason why. I AM IN LOVE! I will never tell him this because he told me it's best if we ended. So I gave him what he wanted. So why tell the man I'm in love with him, so he can laugh at me? So I keep this to myself and make peace with it. It could have been a beautiful thing. I guess if it was meant to be he will be back or not, but I have to set him free. So I did.
People make mistakes, it depends on if you want to work things out and see what the outcome will be. But he didn't even leave anything open for us to continue. He wants nothing to do with me and I still have love for him. So I say this to myself, GOOD LUCK, YOU NEED IT!!!
Love is one of a kind and for now...love is a bitch and I live with it!!!
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Stolen...
My smiles are stolen from me. I haven't been able to smile for days. All I feel is sad and abandoned. I feel left out in the cold. I need answers. As much as I am very open...I am a very private person. But I shared and was being shared with. I was taken back to where it all started since little and was told that it will be my turn next time. We will be going to Pagodas. We made plans. Where did it all go? Were they all lies or just were words that said because they were there and didn't mean it at all, but I heard it because was I delusional?! But I wasn't. It was all there.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Love...
I think for two people to really love each other, to really commit to each other, it has to be an act of will. A decision. And I think two people have to live that decision every day. Even when things are hard and you feel like giving up, you have to hang onto that decision, the choice you make to love each other, even if it's only by a thread.
Love is wanting someone you love to be happy and loving them even they don't feel the same way.
So much from a person who doesn't have a slightest idea about LOVE. I am capable.
I tried...
At least I can say I tried my best. But I wasn't too sure why I find myself reading emails when I was in Burma. It's very sad to read them. I guess I am still in shock. And I keep replaying every scenes that happened for the past 3 months and prior to that. Was I dreaming? Did I actually go through that? How are you dealing with all of this? Because apparently I am not feeling so good right now. But I promise myself and give you my word that I won't be speaking of it anymore. Well at least to you I won't. What I do on here is I guess my problem. I just know I have to find a way to deal with it. You seem okay with everything. I wish you the best and I want to see you happy. I pray for strength for me to deal with it. I can't seem to let go of it. All the things we have said to each other are still haunting me.
Why am I crying over someone who doesn't give a shit about me?
Why am I crying over someone who doesn't give a shit about me?
Monday, May 11, 2009
One word...
FOCUS!
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Stalker Alert!!!
With all the madness happening with me, there was the stalker at the train station this morning. YES, ON MONDAY!!! I was happy I didn't see him at the bus stop but when I got to the train station, there he was. OMFG! He stared and stared and stared. Did I say he was staring? Thank goodness for the headsets I got in my ears and I didn't look at him after I saw him. He tried talking to me but I wasn't having it. I put my head down. There was 2 trains at different tracks and the FCKER followed me to my track. I was pissed so I found me a two seater with someone was already in it. Phew! The I saw him standing by me and thinking I would give in and talk to him but I closed my eyes and pretended like I needed sleep for days. It's believable being it's Monday and all. :)And that my friend is how I got rid of my stalker of the morning! Kudos for me!!!
It was decided...
I waited the whole weekend...well...I guess since I had zero to none on having patience department, I didn't really wait. I asked for it and I got what I didn't want. As little time as we had I was attached to you. I had so much fun with you. You made me smile, laugh and all emotions I can think of. But I have to accept that it's all done and over with. I keep hearing conversations that we had and I realized maybe I was the one who is attached to you more than you were attached to me. You told me you are not attached to me so it can't be something I conjured up. You were so cold telling me it's over. I wish I can be like you and walk away. Well I will walk away just for you but to myself, I feel like shit. I am trying hard not to cry but nothing is helping.
Have you...

ever missed someone so much that you feel the emptiness in your chest and the hurt? It's really not a good feeling but when you do feel that, that's when you really realize how much that person mean to you and you need to have them in your life. I miss you so much but at this point there is nothing I can say or do anymore. I keep replaying things we have said to each other, plans that we make, things that I would like to do with you.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day...

To my mother and all the wonderful mothers out there for the best job you have done with us. Today and everyday is your day. Nothing can replace a place of a mother. A mother carried us for nine months, nurtures us, still does, takes care of us and all that good stuff. Thank you.
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Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Saturday, May 9, 2009
What I want...

Here is how it all started... I met you years ago. But you were unavailable to me and to others as I were. But I can always look as long as I don't touch, right?! Right! Anyways...we were no friends but cordial. It was all good. When there is a beginning, there is an end to it. But I didn't mind because as I mentioned above you weren't mine to begin with.
Years later, I found you again. And also to my favor, you were available. So was I! So I started it by saying hi to you and you were kind of closed off to yourself. So I almost gave up. But you came back which I was very happy about. So we met up and we started this thing called a relationship. I loved it. You were perfect for me. I was happy. We never had any problems except when I couldn't see you or be with you. All I wanted was a little bit more of your time. I needed you to know I loved being with you. So now everything went south and we are at a point where we are on the verge of breaking things off. I so not want it but I have no saying in it. All I know is that I miss you, I want to be with you and you make me happy. I needed more time with you and that was our problem. We didn't have any major problems like others. Now you said you need time to think about us. I understand thinking about it for a couple of hours but not for days. I didn't propose to you, I didn't ask for your liver. I asked for more time with you. We haven't even been with each other for that long but I definitely think we deserve a chance for a long time coming opportunity to be with each other. I hope you come back to me with a solution to our problem, not a way out from US.
Not for nothing you found my blog. I didn't want you to find it because I was all over the place with it and I was kind of ashamed for you to read all my entries. But I am not writing this now so that you can read it but I am writing it so I can write my feelings about us. Since you are not talking to me and I don't know who else to talk to and I know for sure no one is reading this, here I am writing this letter.
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Friday, May 8, 2009
CTRL, ALT, DEL Day!...

I wish I can CTRL, ALT, DEL today. Sometimes expressing what you feel is not the best thing. It can land you in the worst place you don't want to be.
I want today to be over and let tomorrow be a better day.
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I want today to be over and let tomorrow be a better day.
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Thursday, May 7, 2009
Random Thoughts...

As much as you would like to think things will change as we grow older, things stay the same. Today, I got a call from a friend's wife. She called my cell because she saw my number on her husband's phone. I still don't blame her but I was kind of shocked. I was bamboozled by her call. I didn't do anything for her make that call to me. She just doesn't have the trust in him, I guess. She asked me bunch of questions like where I was, how I knew him, if I knew he was married and have a kid and when I last spoke to him. For a minute there, I thought I was in court. This chick apparently have no clue what-so-ever. I had no obligations to make her feel at ease with this situation but I did anyways because I pity the fool and put myself in her shoes. Still I didn't have to.
I was busy with Thae Thae's surprise bridal shower. I am glad things went well. The bride was surprised and overwhelmed. Mission Accomplished!
Back to normal again...at least some part of my life is. Although some parts I feel I am settling. Gotta work on those!
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