It's Official!

Today when I woke up, you were there on the list. Then I got off work and I accidentally saw the number on my list and you were gone. I was in shock. I expected you to delete me earlier but you didn't. Now you did and I feel like you left me all over again. I cried so hard. I am having a tough time with this. All I can do is pray and ask for strength for me to deal with it.

How could you be so heartless?...

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Good Deeds Day...

I got up so early and went to NJ with my parents for the new temple. I thought of you. You told me you wanted to go with me. I saw lots of food that you would want to eat. I was so about to call you but I told myself not to. You probably don't want to hear from me. I donated money to the monks. I feel peaceful. And I can still feel you in my heart.

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Day In & Day Out...

There is not a moment that you haven't crossed my mind. Every fcking thing reminds me of you. That shit is starting to piss me off. I can't shake you out of my system. I don't want to but I have to. You have moved on and I should do the same. Especially today you stand tall and still in my mind.

So here is the funny moment... The ex that I want to contact me doesn't but the ex that I'd rather be away from sent me an email nonchalantly. Was I supposed to be replying to that? HELL NO! Now I'm thinking if you felt that way when I was on your shit for a minute. But I doubt that! So that was why I thought I had a chance when all the cards were already dealt with from your side. All the signs are there so now it's up to me to accept the truth. Truth hurts but I am dealing it in the best way I can. Sometimes the devil side of me wants to flip off THE TRUTH!

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Happy Birthday...

Today is your birthday. I want to wish you but you are stopping me from it. I know you ignored me 'til the end so I don't want to make you upset that I wished you. But there is no stopping me from expressing it on my blog. :)

Happy Birthday "YOU" !!! I wish you happiness, full of joy on your day and many more. May all your wishes come true.

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4PM...

I go back and forth with what I should do with my situation. Well...for one, I told myself to feel whatever I want to feel. I let myself be free from all the restriction. I even let myself IM you when if need be done for the moment. I am head-over-heels in love. And the part that gets me the most is that I can admit out loud. I don't care who knows it. It is self less type of love because you told me you won't love me ever and I still love you. I care for you and I want to be there for you but seems as though you are not letting me. But it's ok. I have to let the course flow and go along the path.

Right at this moment, I am at a cross road where if I should let myself be free and let you go as you requested or I should not give up because I want to make sure I did everything in my power to work with it!

One day at a time!!!

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The Day After...

I am so exhausted. I had a great time yesterday. I got lots of wishes on FB, thru texts, VMs and phone calls. I was loved. Most of all, I got flowers galore and one special delivery. I got good companies. I am glad. I had dinner at Cuban place with you and headed home for the birthday cake. Although cake slicing moment was very interesting. Anyways, I thank all my darlings for the best wishes and gifts.