When Sadness & Madness collide...

....there is a RANDOMNESS!

~ I wish I dream about my grandmother so I can see her one last time again...my cousin and mom dreamed about her, and now they make me feel like grandma doesn't appear in my dreams because she is upset that I didn't get to see her before she passed. Last time I saw her was in 2003 and she passed in 2007.

~ Work is actually having Christmas party this year. We skipped last year so I wasn't expecting this year at all.

~ I need a change and I am actually going through the process right now. Revamping myself for 2010.

~ 15th can't come soon enough. It's a back to the gym day, pay day and anything and everything else day. LOL!

~ I hated that my dad was asking me where I was last night to pick me up and I couldn't tell where I was because I had no idea which way Jamaica Avenue was located and he didn't know where Jamaica Hospital was. Both of us didn't know where we were. That was pure and full throttle frustration for me. FAILED!!! BTW, that hospital was the most unorganized and ghetto place I have ever seen in hospital. I was horrified.

~ People must think I entertain DRAMA because even when I am running the other direction, they follow. I must have entertained it when I was much younger but not anymore.

~ I am starting to wonder why I have FaceBook and twitter accounts. They create problems.

~ I really can't stand people who portray themselves for what they are not. Now I feel like it's all a front.

~ I know that I am being judged from my blog but whatever. I don't think my blog can define me as a whole.

~ When all things else failed, I will still and always have my family.

~ After thoughts after thoughts last night, I told myself I am not going to let people take advantage of me and my kindness, and won't let things bother me.

I hope everyone is having a great day in this FORKS weather.

How Far Do You Let People In?

Once in a while I think about how intimate I should get on my blog. There is a list of blogs I read on the daily basis. The list varies with different topics. I also read blogs which reveal lots of personal things. I still haven't found my niche in the blog world but I know that I don't want to get too personal. There is always possibilities of becoming friends with fellow bloggers then it would be my choice if I want to let people in my life or not. One thing I always know what not to do, I don't judge the book by the cover although I pretty much have keen senses on peoples' characteristics. But I am getting the feeling that I am being judged by my blog. Oh wells. I can't please everyone. Have a great day!!!

What Do I Really Want???

I have been sitting here thinking about what's really been going on with me. I feel like I am drifting away from myself. Then I realized I am reforming/restructuring myself. I want to be ready when I am in the next relationship. Dudes come at me and all I am doing is like be nice about it and then I keep it moving. I need more than appearance. I need someone who I can have a real conversations for hours and they mean something. Is that too much to ask for???

So...this morning, I was on the subway as I would be like any other week day. There was a guy who was throwing smiles my way like I am a rock star. So not to be rude or anything, I smiled back. I have this mean mug on every time I am on the public transportation because there are crazies out there. Ha! Anyways, I guess that smile must have encouraged him to walk up to me. Whatever! So he said hello and I said hi. There is nothing wrong with that until he started saying bunch of things and I had no idea what he was saying because his accent was so strong. Trust me, I migrated from other continent so I understand how accents can be. But what I didn't understand was why he needed to tell me I was beautiful like 10 times in a minute and homeboy had nothing else to say. I mean I gave him a chance to throw something my way to have me interested with a conversation that would have started with other things like do you work around here, what do you do...anything except for me being beautiful. I thanked him and went about my business. O and that didn't end there, he wanted my number. WHY??? Dude, do you actually have something to say? I hardly understand you. I don't know. The thing that worry me the most is I do not want to see him again at the station. If I do, I will say I have a man. :::SMH:::

Right now...

1. It's very annoying that it's raining in NY again.

2. I am very disappointed that I haven't had a meaningful conversation in awhile. (mental stimulation is a must)

3. I really don't understand why the past don't like to stay there. There is a reason why it's the past.

4. I never knew I was a girly girl. Although I am still not one of those who are afraid to break a nail.

5. I watch and can talk about sports with guys. I guess that makes me not a full blown girly girl. LOL!

6. I need to get away with a total stranger I trust. (where would I find one of those?, HA!)

7. I get bored easily with boring people who think they are so interesting.

8. I love my family.

9. Thinking very heavy on making a vlog on youtube. (should I or shouldn't I?)

10. The last time I read Cosmo was in July. (I have to catch up with my subscription. ::SMH::)

11. I need to get back on Zumba and my thesis.

12. I want to see Tyler Perry's "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" and "Law Abiding Citizen".

13. I need a "Reggie Bush" in my life.

14. I miss my long hair, but I manage with my whatever length now. WHATEVER!

15. I am content, not too sure it's a good thing or bad thing but for now it is what it is.

16. I want "Crab Shanty" from City Island. Those crab legs are so long over due. lol.

I hope everyone is having a great day.

Did I need the retail therapy?

.....Every morning I get ready for work, I either have to put on the TV or the radio to get in the mood. Anyways...I digress like there is no tomorrow so putting on either/or doesn't help me. ::shrug:: So after I hopped out of the shower, I decided to put on the TV and the newsman on NY1 said something about how they will make the then club, the Limelight, into the Limelight Market. The news showed the progress of the place and it brought me back so much memories. That was the first club I've been to back in High School. Although I don't remember much, I remember being the responsible one and looked out for all of us who went that night. I like the market idea and I think I will definitely check it out when it's on the up and up in Spring 2010.

I am feeling a bit girly today. Maybe changing the nail polish color (Pink Parfait) last night while watching the Yankees. And I am wearing pink and black. I am definitely feeling girly today. I went to Claire's to get some accessories during lunch. I had 2 apples and water for lunch. All of those I did during lunch without anyone was such a great idea. I didn't feel as if I need to check with someone if they wanted to stop by a store with me or not. I felt so free and happy. I needed to feel that way.

Have a juicy day...

Have a great weekend everyone!

Right Here Right Now

I don't want to be in a relationship but I do want to be in-like. It would be some what of a cute thing if I have someone that I want to be around to call upon on to do whatever. I do miss being able to trust someone that I can fall asleep in their arms. I just realized I am not so sure what I exactly want at this moment but I can definitely say I am missing something. I think I got the blues.

A Quick Rundown on What's in Store for MOI...

...Work couldn't finish fast enough for me.

...Heading to VA with my cousin. Be back on Sunday. (Details will soon come! Haha, that's the Jamaican in me.)

...Other blogs are giving reviews on items or educational stuff but not mine. Maybe that's why I don't have much followers. (I'm sure I have mentioned that before.)

...Most of the times, people just annoy me. My bestfriend said I shouldn't let anything bother me. I should listen but I don't.

...In need of Nintendo DSi...ok maybe not in need. I WANT IT!!!

...Still contemplating on piercing. (Maybe in October.)

...Want new tattoos.

Have a great weekend everyone. ENJOY!!!

Wednesday Blues...

I don't know what it is lately that I have been bored out of my mind. I don't want to do anything. I feel blah. I have so many wants on top of my head that, that's when I know I am BORED.

I feel sad today. Not on anything particular but I am having that sadness running through me. No matter how busy I get at work, I find myself reading all the blogs I follow. It's like a daily ritual thing. I see some of them give advice, giving reviews, life stories and experiences they went through, their feelings and current situations and such. But here I am, I am not willing to go all the way with sharing all of me YET. But I enjoy reading others' blogs. They are very insightful. Mine is not. :-( Maybe that's why I don't have anyone reading my blog, except for JILL. Thank Buddha for her.... and thank you Jill.

Okay I hope everyone is having a better day than me. :)

Random AIM Chat...

*actual chat between this guy who has a girlfriend and who thinks he is my friend and I*

[12:30] BOY: What's your story these day? Got a bf?
[12:35] Me: no bf
[12:35] Me: i m signle
[12:35] Me: single
[12:37] BOY: Sorry I can't help you with that currently
[12:37] Me: huh?
[12:40] BOY: That means I'm not free to hang out or chill
[12:41] Me: its ok i m fine with that
[12:41] Me: i wasnt asking u
[12:41] Me: u asked me if i was single
[12:41] Me: so i was just answering
[12:42] BOY: Brb.. Getting busy @ work

Dick!

If you act psycho/weird, I will put you on blast. Try to stay sane, PLEASE...for your sake!!!

WTF!!!